A Hug Goodbye

This month, February, has a sad undertone for me. It was during the last week of January 2010 that I received the final decision from the Czech government that they no longer wanted me. Not only did they not want me, but they had decreed that by law, I must leave their country within 30 days. I was being deported.

This notification came during one of the busiest times of life at the International Baptist Theological Seminary in Prague, Czech Republic. We had a large number of PhD students on site and I was fully engaged in making sure they were fed, housed, watered, and happy. The notification came as an e-mail attachment.

My Czech language skills were functional enough that I had read through the document and understood that this was not good news. Truly in unbelief, I asked a Czech friend and colleague to come read this letter for me. I was certain that I had misinterpreted it, or that there was a byline I was missing that said, "But it's okay, you may stay."

There wasn't.

I sat in my office chair in shock and pain. February 2010 was hard. Really hard. I had worked (with the help of colleagues) for over a year to apply for visa renewal to remain in the Czech Republic. It was a long and tiring journey to try to right a wrong that was made which turned my position from being legal to illegal. Finally, the word came: "Go home."

Go home? I had been in Europe since 2001. One month after I graduated college I packed up and flew across the Atlantic Ocean to settle in this Central European region. Fully embracing the strange land and culture. I had been there for nearly ten years and transitioned into adulthood in these foreign lands. In a way that I cannot explain Europe had become my home. And I was being kicked out.

My dear loved ones in Prague were gracious, kind, and sincere. The memories of this month are bittersweet. Thankful and painful.

So, today, forgive me if I request an extra hug this month. Forgive me if I there's an underlying sadness in my eyes. Forgive me if I can't explain what is tugging at my heart. There is a mourning process that perhaps will never end. There is something deeper inside that is hard to define or explain, but it's there.

We each have our own struggles and heartbreak. I understand. The month of February, when I request a hug - this is why. That's all. I've a lot of my heart and love in a place and in people whom I cannot wrap my arms around today...