Third Place

I've been ruminating on a particular singlehood preponderance for some time. It's a recognition of a reality that makes my heart a little sad. I will preface this by reaffirming my continued contentment and current preference to being single. For me. 

The thought first came to me late winter/early spring when I was running a number of races around West Michigan. I was consistently getting third place in my age category. I was happy to be placing and it was always a thrill to hear my name announced calling me up to receive my award. However, I eventually grew tired of my third place stagnation and longed for and worked at moving into second or first place.  

During my phase of third placedness I recall sighing to a friend, "I'm tired of being third place." My saying that out loud kept the phrase resonating in my head throughout the day. In a completely separate area of life, I was arranging a few outings with friends independently of each other, and due to spouses or children nothing seemed to be falling into place.

I translated my third place position in running to my third place position in relationships. Please do NOT read this as an invitation to a pity party for poor single Vanessa. This is not the case. It is just a realization of the place that a single adult often holds in relationships with friends who are married or in committed relationships.

It is nice to be someone's No.#1. Really nice. To know that you will be the person that they will and can change plans for. To be the one that they will tell their stories to first, to be number one on their speed dial. To be the one consulted on purchases, trips, or employment opportunities.

My dearest friends will cancel or postpone plans with me if a husband/wife/significant other prefers, decides, or needs them to. A husband works late. A child is sick. A wife would rather you just stay home. (Oh, yes, I realize those examples drip with stereotypes, but you get my point.)

Nope, I'm not asking for change. I fully appreciate the commitment and mutual respect in families and I want to be a cheerleader for that. Always.

Just because it makes me a little sad, doesn't mean I'm calling for an upheaval of family relations and order. I have rich and endearing friendships that make my heart glad. They are full of laughter and love. I am deeply valued and respected and given opportunity to express love uniquely to them - even from third place.